Catalyst
by Samantha-1434
Summary: a person or thing that precipitates an event or change. Warning: Snippets of child abuse, sexual abuse/rape and murder.


**Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games, they belong to Suzanne Collins.**

**Warning: Snippets of child abuse, sexual abuse/rape, and murder.**

**Catalyst**

Katniss was five years old when a single event took place, altering the course of her innocent life forever. Sometimes she wonders how life would have turned out had her father survived. Had he just stayed home that day? Then she remembers that thinking about what if's and could have beens was way more painful than accepting the life that she was dealt.

Her father was a police officer in Precinct 12 of the city of Panem. He was killed in the line of duty, and his name and family were given medals of Honor, an act that they hoped would ease the pain that was left in the wake of his death.

They didn't.

It had been a fine summer's day. She could clearly recall the details of this day, a catalyst of what would become her life in the years to come. It would stay with her forever until she too ceased to exist in this seemingly miserable world.

He had sat at the head of the kitchen table, smiling from ear to ear. That smile shown in his silver eyes, eyes that she shared with him. It was a good day, he would leave for work in a matter of minutes, close to eight and would return home early. Today was a special day.

Today was Katniss's birthday.

Today she was five years old and her father was taking a short day so that he could be home with her and her mother and her one month old little sister to celebrate.

Her mother was at the stove flipping pancakes, while Katniss sneaked peaks into the basinet that her parents had moved into the kitchen to hold the youngest child in the Everdeen family.

This was her baby sister, Primrose Everdeen. A stark contrast to Katniss and her father, this was definitely the mini me to the Everdeen matriarch. What with her snowy white blonde hair, and already strikingly blue eyes. She thinks these features remind her of someone else besides her mother.

A boy around her age who lives down the street.

Katniss hums a melody to her sister. She loves her so much and she is only a month old, she knows now she will do anything for this baby, at the tender age of five. Because of this Primrose Everdeen will be safeguarded from the horrors of her elder sister's life.

"You should sing a little for me and your baby sister. Please Katniss?" Her father had said to her and she eagerly moved to comply.

"What song do you think, Primrose?" She smiles down at the child, admiration apparent on her soft features. (These hardened as Katniss's life shaped to the mold it was placed in later on.)

"Clementine." Her mother had requested and at the time it was one of her favorites.

So she had taken a deep breath and began to sing, a strong and beautiful voice for one of only five years of age. A talent Katniss sure does have. A voice, which she will lose.

_In a cavern, in a canyon_

_Excavating for a mine_

_Lived a miner, forty-niner_

_And his daughter, Clementine_

_Oh, my darling, oh, my darling_

_Oh, my darling Clementine_

_You are lost and gone forever_

_Dreadful sorry, Clementine_

Before she had the chance to finish her song, the small radio that sat on the kitchen table began to let off beeping noises and a voice called over. The radio was calling her father away.

"An emergency, I must go now." He stopped at the door and turned to give a smile to his daughter. One that none of them knew would be his last. "I'll be back by three, okay?"

Katniss ran forward and hugged her father's legs saying, "Go catch the bad guy's daddy!" At five she was very proud of what her father did, she would brag around the neighborhood to the other children about how her daddy was a hero, and fought crime. One day when the Mellark boys had been fighting about who the best super hero was they had cornered her by the large apple tree for her opinion.

"Batman, Spiderman or Superman?" They had asked, and they were angered when she replied with, "My daddy." Then she punched the eldest one when he told her that her daddy wasn't a super hero.

They didn't play with her so much anymore.

After her father walked out that door, her mother had ushered her outside to play. She was with Madge, the only girl on the block she could be around and play nice with, when Capt. Cinna, her father's superior officer had come to deliver the bad news.

The call that had pulled Mr. Everdeen away from his family that morning had been an armed robbery at The Capitol, the most prestigious bank in Panem. He had been trying to appeal to the criminals while speaking through a loud speaker when apparently they got tired of it and sent a few bullets into the gas tank of his squad car. Needless to say there really wasn't much left of Katniss's father after that, they were forced to have a closed casket funeral.

Apparently her mother had just collapsed in shock, not even bothering to figure out how to tell her eldest daughter what happened. She locked herself in her room after that, she didn't even come out for the funeral.

Their neighbor, Haymitch Abernathy escorted Katniss to the funeral at the graveyard, even brought the youngest Everdeen. He knew the Everdeen matriarch was merely a shell of who she once had been, not emotionally there enough to care for her children.

The funeral was the last place anyone heard Katniss Everdeen sing, save for Primrose, who would hear that sweet voice many times in the future, guiding her in a different direction than Katniss.

Katniss stood next to the hole in the ground where they were lowering her father's casket. She wanted, no needed to say goodbye to her father in a way only he could appreciate. So she sang.

_Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

_A bed of grass, a soft green pillow_

_Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes_

_And when again they open, the sun will rise._

_Here it's safe, here it's warm_

_Here the daisies guard you from every harm_

_Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true_

_Here is the place where I love you_

_Deep in the meadow, hidden far away_

_A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray_

_Forget your woes and let your troubles lay_

_And when again it's morning, they'll wash away_

_Here it's safe, here it's warm_

_Here the daisies guard you from every harm_

_Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true_

_Here is the place where I love you_

A lone tear strays from her grey eyes and her brown twin braids flutter when she turns her head to catch the eyes of the youngest Mellark boy. They linger, staring at each other. Her pain palpable and there is where Peeta Mellark, the youngest of the baker's sons, is forever tied to Katniss.

After three years her mother had re-married just as the grand design of life had called for. Katniss was eight and her baby sister, Primrose, was three when old man Cray moved in. Cray was nothing like her father, where he had been warm and loving, Cray was cold and cruel. He owned the Korner Store down the street though and was able to keep the widowed Everdeens afloat.

Katniss loathed Cray, and she supposed he didn't care much for her either if his constant yelling at her was any indicator toward the fact. He was tolerable with Prim though, and that was all Katniss cared about.

The first month consisted of Katniss always being harped at, causing her to spend more and more time outside. She spent much of her time with either Madge or the youngest Mellark boy, Peeta. Since the funeral the two of them had found themselves drawn together, even if it was to just sit in silence beneath the apple tree.

Today though they were playing a new game, in her backyard.

Baseball.

Peeta had recently received a ball and bat from his eldest brother as a birthday present and had begged Katniss to play with him. After several minutes of him batting his unfathomably long blonde eyelashes over his sky blue eyes, that always made her think of Prim, she had agreed.

It was her turn to hold the bat and swing at the ball as Peeta pitched the ball towards her.

"Come on, Mellark!" She stood with her legs positioned so they were shoulder length apart and gripped the bat with her hands spaced just perfectly so. Cray had barely let her finish eating her toast this morning before he had screamed at her about being such a bratty child and then proceeded to shut her out of the house, locking it so she couldn't come back in until the sun would set. Katniss was ready to take out her frustration at the man her mother, who she was not happy with either, had married on this innocent ball.

"Shhh…don't get your panties in a bunch, _Everdeen_." Peeta jabbed at her using her given name as she had while he flicked his head slightly to remove the soft blonde wave of hair that had chosen that moment to slide into his eye sight. "I'm trying to work on my wind up!"

He let the ball fly as Katniss rolled her eyes.

Katniss swung and seconds later they both heard the window over the kitchen sink shatter into a million pieces. "Uh oh." She muttered to herself as she dropped the bat onto the grass.

She glanced over to Peeta, who by the way seemed to have saucers for eyes at the moment. "See you later, Katniss!" He shouted as he took off running in the direction of his house, she couldn't blame him though. Who wanted to listen to old man Cray scream and yell? She knew she didn't want to, but she would.

"You impudent child!" _What does that mean?_ Those were the thoughts that drifted to her mind as she tried to just shut out the lecture that she was enduring, his daily rants were really getting tiring.

He must have felt the same way.

Cray had left the doorway that led into their kitchen and was stomping towards her and she didn't even see it coming. He slapped her across the face, hard enough to send her to the ground where she gripped her cheek.

She was shocked.

Although she wasn't able to recover from that shock before he had reached down and grabbed her by one of her two braids that she wore her hair in every day.

Katniss was scared.

Before she knew it she was in the house and he was shoving her against the refrigerator, which she met with her shoulder.

"Owww, you're hurting me!" She called out.

Yeah, she was used to him yelling at her, but this, _this_ was new.

"Shut up!" He yelled at her as he grabbed her by her arm and led her to the kitchen sink where all those small pieces of window glass lie scattered on the floor. Cray shoved her to the ground and kicked her in the stomach. "Clean it up and then go to bed."

Every muscle in her little eight year old body hurt, and her heart hurt, because she knew her mother was in the other room listening and did nothing. Cray had moved in and began to financially care for her mother, Primrose and herself. Yet, he was so hateful towards her, like she herself was responsible for everything that ever went wrong in the world.

She cried herself to sleep wondering what she was going to tell Peeta about the bruise on her face when she returned his ball and bat in the morning, maybe he would believe she had ran into the door.

When she awoke the next morning, a Saturday, it took everything in her to not scream out when she tried to sit up. A bruised rib from the kick Cray delivered into her side the day before. Katniss had a goal, to get up, get dressed and slip into her sister's room to kiss her good morning then slip out of the house and not return until sundown like normal. The trick was trying to be as quick as possible, which was really quite the feat with the fact that every move she made was oh so painful.

She decided against dressing in different clothes, the t-shirt and sweat pants she wore were good enough for the day she had planned, and slipped her feet into her sandals. With a little water she was able to tame the loose hairs that had escaped from her braids during the night, then ventured into Prim's room.

"Katniss!" Her baby sister was already awake playing with her toys, while still wearing her flannel pajamas, which by the way were littered with little yellow ducks.

"Hi, Little Duck." She returned with a smile that would allow her to say yes if someone were to ever ask her if it hurt to smile. For a split second she was worried that Prim might ask her about the bruise on her face, but then after a few more minutes of small talk, nothing.

Prim was never one for detail, then again she was also only three. She gave her sister a quick peck on the cheek and scurried off down the stairs and out the back door, not stopping for one second to look at the spot she had been viscously attacked in.

Once she had collected the ball and bat it only took her a few moments to make it to the Mellark house down the street. Peeta's house sat snuggled at the end of the cul-de-sac, in between two other houses that were identical in design but different in color.

She rapped three times on the storm door and patiently waited for either Mr. or Mrs. Mellark to answer the door.

It was Mr. Mellark, and he greeted her with a warm smile that she painstakingly returned and then his faltered.

He didn't say anything though, just allowed a small tight lipped smile return to his lips as he nodded his head in greeting.

"Good morning, Katniss." He waited a moment before calling out for his son.

"Good morning, Mr. Mellark. Can Peeta come out? He left his bat and ball at my house last night." She stared at her feet while she held out the two items she had mentioned.

"Of course, just a moment." Katniss waited as the older man retreated into the house to retrieve his youngest son, her best friend. She let the ball and bat rest on the porch next to the door, there was no need for her to hold them anymore, and she certainly wouldn't be playing with them for a while.

Katniss heard the screen door shut behind Peeta as he noisily made his way over to her. "Hi, Katniss."

He was always so excited to see her on his porch, like it was the one thing he looked forward to everyday. She knew better though, he loved working in the bakery with his father whenever he was allowed.

"Hi." She returned as she turned her head. Peeta's eyes just about popped right out of his little head when he saw the bruise on her cheek, but then they softened into something. Something that seemed to resemble understanding…and sympathy. Maybe even _empathy._

The two children were quiet as they left the porch and made their way over to the apple tree that sat in his yard.

As they nestled down the silence ensued. Katniss was beginning to become uncomfortable and was opening her mouth to say something…anything.

Then, "My mom sometimes hits me, too."

Her head snapped to look him straight in the eye. _Why was he telling her this?_

He must have read her mind because he continued on. "I figured that maybe, our secrets would be easier if we had at least one person to tell. Is that okay, Katniss?"

She nodded her head, "This was the first time, he, anyone ever hit me. What did I do Peeta?" It was quiet but it was out there.

"I don't know, sometimes my mom she just gets so angry. Most of the time she just yells at me, like I hear Cray yell at you. But other times, like if I break something, or if she has already yelled at me once that day, she will just lose it." She watched him as he just stared down into his small hands. Katniss knew that in this moment, this conversation, they did not sound like the innocent little eight year olds they were supposed to be.

"My mom, she was in the other room, she hasn't been the same since Dad died but, Peeta." She turned her head, with tears in her eyes, looking into Peeta's cerulean orbs she whispered, "She didn't do anything…"

"I don't think they really know what _to_ do, Katniss." He softly replied as he reached over and grabbed her hand, he squeezed it and continued. "My father doesn't say anything to her either, and if he does, he doesn't do it when it is happening and she sure doesn't listen."

The pair returned to silence, allowing each other's secret to wrap around one another.

After that it was something similar to an unspoken pact. If something happened to the other they told each other, re-counted each other's experience and then told one another that it wasn't their fault.

Now Katniss didn't have to hold onto this secret alone, and she was grateful because when she went home that night, when the doors were unlocked at sunset, she found out that first incident would not be the last.

Katniss and Peeta became the closest of friends after that day under the apple tree when they were eight. She had even distanced herself from Madge, her single female friend, if you didn't count her eight year old sister Primrose. She just didn't feel right, not with the secret she shared with Peeta. Katniss was different and she knew it, but no one else knew except for Peeta.

"She tried to whack me with her rolling pin today." He said it as though it was an afterthought, never lifting his head to stop looking at his sketchpad. The two of them were up in his room, his parents and older brother's had gone to dinner and a movie. His mother thought being left at home and out of the family outing was a sufficient punishment to replace the beating she was denied.

"Tried?" Katniss turned her head to look at Peeta.

"Turn your head back. Yes, tried." She turned her head back away from him so that her right profile was all he could see, he was drawing her today. "I stubbed my toe while carrying a cake and I dropped it. She just lost it and came at me with the rolling pin and I caught it. She stared at me like she was half expecting me to burst into flames." Peeta chuckled after he said that.

With the heavy lifting at the bakery, wrestling practice and puberty Peeta had started to enjoy a reprieve from the beatings his mother would administer as he had quickly grown taller than her, and was starting to become toned with muscles.

Katniss couldn't help but notice these changes as she too had been experiencing the stages of puberty, with her chest no longer remaining flat she was required at wear a barely b cup bra. Her hips had widened while her waist narrowed, and more and more the boys at school were beginning to watch her. That messy time of the month had bombarded her when she was only eleven. Apparently with puberty her view towards Peeta had begun to change.

"Well, I'm glad your muscular appearance has turned into such a great deterrent."

She could see from the corner of her eye that he had looked up at her and smiled that adorable crooked grin of his, and she felt her heart soar. She knew she was starting to like him, her first crush. Why did it have to be her best friend?

"Yeah, well, old man Cray better watch his step too, soon I'll be big enough that I can take him too." Then with that one simple statement her heart crash landed into her stomach.

"No need to worry Peeta, things haven't been so bad lately," _lies_. But she couldn't tell him the truth, he would probably never talk to her again, "he hasn't even hit me in a long while." Now that was the truth. She reached over and covered his hand with hers and gave it a light squeeze. He seemed to visibly relax after that.

Before she could remove her hand though, he had gripped her wrist and tugged her towards him. Now she was only a mere few inches from him and he was staring at what she presumed was her lips. _Is he thinking…is he going to…?_

She was unable to finish the thought before Peeta had brought his other hand up behind her head and pushed her towards him, and then his lips were on hers. An innocent closed mouth kiss, but it shot electricity through her body. Her first kiss, with Peeta Mellark.

Katniss was still reeling when he pulled away.

"Sorry, it's just, I've been wanting to do that since we were twelve." He was looking down at his hands and she was staring at the top of his blonde curly head. He lifted his head and grinned that lopsided grin while rubbing the back of his neck, he was nervous.

Katniss lunged forward and entangled her petite hands into his shirt and pulled him flush to her body and kissed him. It started out as that innocent closed mouth kiss, but she wanted to know more. She began to open her mouth, hoping he would reciprocate soon because she felt like she was eating his face at this point. It didn't take long before he began to return her open mouth kiss.

After that night, Katniss and Peeta spent more time exploring each other's mouths with their tongues over the next couple of months.

Then one day when they managed to sneak up to his room while the rest of his family was out, she became curious. Katniss wanted to know what it would feel like if _his_ hands touched her.

She didn't know how to express this thought in words to Peeta though. Words had always been his category. Katniss was a girl of action. So she did the only thing she could think of.

Katniss grabbed Peeta's hand that sat innocent enough on her knee while they kissed and brought it up to her chest and nuzzled it to her young adolescent breast. The only indication that he had even noticed was the slowing pace that he kissed her with and how his hand twitched to squeeze her breast. She thought she could melt into his arms at that moment. Katniss never wanted to leave Peeta's embrace again.

Not even minutes later Katniss found Peeta's other hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her back so she would lie down on the mattress of his bed. She did and found that she liked this position even better, with Peeta hovering over her in between her legging and boot covered legs, his left hand groping her chest while the right propped him up. She was currently running her fingers through his blonde curls, they were so soft.

Then another thought came to her mind. _I wonder what he feels like._

Within seconds, before she could even bother trying to restrain herself, she allowed her right hand to retract from his hair and it made its way down to find itself placed over the bulge in his jeans. Katniss lightly squeezed and was rewarded with a noise that sounded an awful like a groan from the back of Peeta's throat. The noise elicited a deep tingling sensation that reached from her nether regions into her lower back, and she couldn't help but roll her hips forward.

"Katniss, not that I am not fully enjoying this right now, but I need to know." He mumbled into her mouth before pulling back an inch or two to look her in the eyes. "But where are you wanting this to go?"

Katniss didn't even bother to vocalize a response before she lifted her head to capture his lips once again while grasping his hand that still lingered on her breast and tugged it down south. With her free hand she pushed her tunic styled sweater upwards and slid his hand in hers underneath the waistband of her leggings. "I want to know what it's like when you touch me Peeta." She whispered as she guided his hands beneath her panties and helped his fingers dance through her thin curls and onto her lips and around that nub.

She could feel his erection against her inner thigh as he thrust his hips forward while emitting another groan. "Ughh, Katniss, I've dreamt about this, but never…"

Her whole body hummed as his words affected her in a new way, perfectly in tune with his motions on that sweet spot. As he twirled his index finger in tight circles like she had shown him, she felt something entirely new, it was hard to pin point. She only knew that it was building becoming more intense and she didn't want it to stop. Softly she moaned, "Oh… Peeta." Then just like that her body relaxed, molding into the bed, relishing the butterfly kisses Peeta was trailing on her neck, jaw and cheek.

"Are you ok, did I hurt you?" He was concerned that he hurt her, he was always so nice.

Katniss only smiled and shook her head from side to side. "No, Peeta. I think, I think I had an orgasm."

"Oh. OH!" As it clicked in his mind, his face erupted into a blinding smile.

But Katniss was done thinking about herself, she was starting to wonder what _he _looked like. What _his_ skin felt like in her hand.

"Peeta, will you lay down. Can I…_touch_…you?" His eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously up and down like any normal teenage boy would do she imagined.

Sitting up Katniss stared at that spot between his legs, his jeans seemed to be a smidge wet there already. Probably excitement from the realization of her orgasm. Peeta had already made quick work of unfastening his belt and the button on his jeans. She placed her hand over his before he could do the zipper too. "Let me."

After sliding the zipper down, she maintained eye contact as she tugged his jeans and boxers down to his knees. Then is when she looked, small, but standing at attention. They were only thirteen and she thinks she recalls from sex education classes that as he gets older he will get bigger. She wrapped her small hand around his appendage, it was hard but soft at the same time.

Katniss flicked her thumb over the slit at the tip of his penis and swirled the liquid that had leaked out around, allowing it to relieve any friction as she began to slowly pump him up and down in a tighter grip. His hips bucked up and she could hear his soft moans.

_One pump._

_Two pump._

_Three…_and just like that it was over. He raised his hips up and held them there, she could feel his hand wrapped up in the sleeve of her sweater. Then the stream of semen hit her hand and pooled onto the sleeve of her sweater.

She pulled her hand up towards her face and stared at it.

"I'm sorry, Katniss. Usually it takes longer when I do it. Otherwise I would have warned you." Again he was concerned about her.

"It's okay, Peeta." She only shrugged as he continued to make a big deal about it and ran out of the room and down the hall after yanking his pants back on. He returned quite quickly with a towel to help her clean up.

That night she stared at the ceiling in her bed and waited. It only took an hour tonight, before she heard her door creak open. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself to think about Peeta as she felt the mattress dip under the new weight. Her beatings had faded along with the beginnings of puberty, too. For different reason's than Peeta's though.

That night Katniss only allowed silent tears to run down her face while she lie there still when Cray pawed at her young body in a way that he really shouldn't have.

Katniss reassured herself that _this, _this _**could**_ feel good.

Katniss and Peeta begin to spend more time showing their affections in public, it seems when they are together the rest of the world just fades away. In the halls of school they walk hand in hand, loosely of course, more like fingertips laced together. Sitting hip to hip at the lunch table, ignoring the conversation of others that sit around them.

Everyone at school notices.

They begin to call them Everlark if anyone ever calls out to them while they are in each other's presence, which is almost always.

Peeta dotes on her hand and foot, not caring what his brother's and mother say. He holds doors open for her everywhere they go. Always telling her how beautiful she is and she smiles back, that soft smile that speaks volumes in a language only he can understand. Katniss knows Peeta is a true gentleman.

They are fifteen now and she knows that their affections for one another haven't just been noticed by their peers at school, or his family members.

She can feel _him_ staring holes into her as Peeta holds her gaze, all the while lightly stroking the end of her now single braid. Old man Cray. He must have just arrived home from work, and from the corner of her eye she could see he was standing in the drive way watching her. It made her want to be sick.

"Peeta…" He was no longer looking into her grey eyes, but watching the ends of her hair slide through his fingertips. He seemed to be very fascinated by everything that was her, and she liked that.

"Hmmm…?" Peeta responded, but it seemed like he was a thousand miles away.

"Could you do something for me?" Katniss was watching Cray watch her.

Peeta snaps his eyes back up to catch hers and instantly responds in the most serious tone she had ever heard fall from his wonderful lips, "I'd do anything for you, Kat. _Anything_."

And the way he says it, she knows he means it. He really means _anything_. But today she would only need something small, something that he could enjoy too.

"Kiss me, kiss me like you would in your room late at night." She says this as merely a whisper that she isn't even sure he caught it. He did though because after smiling a wicked grin he walked forward towards her until she was pushed into the bark of the apple tree they stood beneath, his body flush against hers.

"My pleasure, Katniss." Peeta then dipped in to push his lips roughly against hers, his hands finding purchase on her hips, his fingers threading themselves through her empty belt loops. When he barraged her like this, every bone in her body melted and a shock of electricity would shoot up her spine. And as Peeta pulled her lower body against his by her belt loops she could hear the front door of her house slam shut.

That night she found that Cray really hated seeing her with Peeta, he definitely disliked seeing someone make her feel good.

He told her so.

Cray repeatedly told her he didn't want to see Peeta's hands on her while he squeezed his large, calloused hands around her throat. She allowed the darkness of unconsciousness to take her while the creaking of her bed frame faded into the distance.

It was her birthday, the best one yet too. Why? Because Cray was out of town for a conference, and he would be gone all weekend long.

Normally her birthdays were sullen and depressing because she would lock herself up in her room all day because it only reminded her of her father, but she was older now and she would be lying if she said that eleven years didn't dull the pain. Besides she had other things to make her feel sad, she could take today for herself.

"I can't believe that today you are sixteen!" Prim's screams almost deafened her. At age eleven, Prim was way more eccentric than she had been at that age. Then again Cray had been beating her daily for three years by that time. There wasn't much that made Katniss giddy with joy, let alone simply happy.

Knowing that Cray had never lifted a finger towards her sister, Primrose that made Katniss happy. Almost made the pain that she endured worth it. Prim wasn't aware of the things that Cray did to her, he quit beating the snot out of her once she hit puberty and had begun developing breasts, and began the monthly visit from Aunt Flow. The abuse she suffered from him now took place late at night after every one was in bed. She endured that in the dark, utterly and completely alone. Peeta didn't even know.

Peeta was the only other person in her life that made her happy besides Prim.

"Peeta is going to love getting to look at you while you two are out eating tonight." Katniss was allowing Prim to fix her hair for her birthday date with Peeta tonight, she had chosen an elaborate braid that twisted into an up do off of her neck. Hair and make-up were things that Prim had decided she was in love with. "Although I think he just loves watching you no matter what, he would probably stare at you with those googly blue eyes even if you were covered in mud from head to toe."

Katniss could feel the heat in her cheeks and knew she was blushing. Prim wasn't lying though, she was pretty sure Peeta would jump for joy if they made Katniss watching a sport.

"I'm sure when you get older and meet a boy, they will look at you the same way Peeta looks at me." She felt Prims grip on her shoulder tighten.

"I don't know Katniss, I don't think I have seen anyone look at anyone the way he looks at you. If it wasn't so romantic, it would be almost creepy." Her sister was such a hopeless romantic.

"Whatever." She was finished and she stood to look at herself in the full body length mirror that hung on the back of Prim's door, she didn't keep any mirrors in her room. Her sister had talked her into wearing a dress that she had dug out of their mother's closet. Which meant that this was the first time in over twelve years it has seen the light of day. It was a simple beige velvet torch draped lace dress that stitched in around her natural waist and the hem reached the middle of her upper thighs. It was obviously a date dress that her mother use to wear for only her father, she didn't even dress up for Cray, and she barely ever left her room. Her feet were clad in a pair of matching flats, she was not comfortable wearing heels.

"I think he's here." Prim voices from her place next to the window closest to the street.

Peeta had picked her up in his beat up truck, he was very proud of his baby he bought _her_ all by himself with the money he had earned at the bakery over the years. Katniss secretly loved the truck too, even though she always teased him about it being a gas guzzler. She hadn't even allowed for him to get out of the truck and come to the front door before she had rushed out of the house and climbed into the cab. That day when she was eight and she broke the kitchen window was the last time Peeta had stepped foot on her property, she wanted to keep it that way.

"Wow." He was staring at her, and she ducked her head shyly. She could feel her skin heat under his gaze, and once she was able to look at him she drank in his form herself.

They were sixteen now and Peeta stood around 5'8" and was stocky in the sense that he had broad shoulders and was very sturdily built, with his blonde curls cut shorter than he used to wear them, so that they wouldn't catch in his eyes anymore. But those eyes, those amazingly beautiful blue eyes were still as brilliant as ever.

"Stop that…let's go." She grinned as she watched his eyes make another sweep over her figure and he sucked in his bottom lip.

"Katniss…"

She cut him off quickly, "Peeta, don't we have reservations?"

"Yeah, you're right." He snapped his head forward and put the truck in gear.

Now they were sitting in a far corner booth away from the rest of the dinner crowd at _The Quell_, one of the finest restaurants in Panem. They had already ordered and were sipping on their sparkling white grape juice, it was fun to sometimes pretend it was wine or champagne.

Katniss wanted to be with him tonight, but that moment when they moved to the next level had been a moment that always burned at the back of her mind. In all the anatomy classes and sex education courses over the years have taught her that girls have this barrier that defines their virginity, the hymen. When the boy enters her it is _supposed_ to be torn by his penis. She was simply scared that he would just know when they became intimate and she didn't know if she could handle him knowing the truth.

Her face must have shown that she had dazed off because he soon had both of his hands cupping her face, brushing the pads of his thumbs across her cheeks. "What's wrong?"

She smiled at him and shook her head, "Nothing, just thinking."

He didn't press. So instead to lighten the mood she asked him if he was going to be involved in wrestling again this year, she was really hoping he would say yes. He looked damn delicious in that spandex uniform. The waitress finally showed up with their food.

Peeta had ordered an Alfredo fettuccini dish, she ordered their famous lamb stew, and it was her favorite.

His hands were amazing, soft yet still rough with callouses, and they sent shivers up her spine while they drew small circles on her knee. She could lose herself in those impossibly blue eyes of his if he would let her. She let out a content sigh as she rested her chin in her hand as she leaned against their table, the two of them finished with their dinner yet not quite ready to end the night.

"Are you sure everything is okay? I know it's been a long time but…" He was leaning towards the fact that today is the eleventh anniversary of her father's death. She smiled softly, always so concerned with her well-being.

"Peeta, I'm fine. I promise. I went with Prim this morning to leave flowers on his grave. The pain never really goes away, but it gets more bearable every year." He seemed to absorb this information and he nodded his head. Then he reached with his left hand and brushed a stray hair from her face, admiring the dip at the juncture of her neck and shoulder.

"You're so beautiful, you know that Katniss?" His hand that sat on her knee inched its way up higher until it reached the hem of her dress and it played with the soft material for a few seconds. "I think I have been enamored with you since we were five." Then his hand slipped beneath her dress and danced higher up on her thigh, drawing more lazy circles as he smiled that crooked grin at her, making her want to melt into him right then and there.

"Peeta, we were five. I had cooties, remember?" He chuckled.

"Katniss…it was a more innocent admiration then." He paused trying to find a way to explain it to her without creeping her out. "Don't hit me, but I was obsessed more of the fact that you were my _friend._ And by friend I mean in a five year old selfish little boy way, my play thing, I didn't want to share you."

Katniss's eyes widened. "Is that why you locked me in the shed behind your house when we were six when Madge wanted me to come play at her house?" Peeta's cheeks tinged with red.

"Yes, I didn't want to share you with the other kids." In a way that actually was cute, in a creepy little boy needs to learn how to share way.

She laughed. "Then when we were twelve and your shirts started to get a little tighter around your chest…I couldn't stop thinking about you. I still do." Katniss was definitely blushing, but she would be lying if she said she didn't feel that electric sensation pulse within her. Peeta's fingertips were brushing against the outside of her panties at her core, and she swallowed as her throat became dry very quickly. "I still don't want to share you."

Leaning forward to meet his lips in a slow, sensual kiss she whispered, "I don't want you to share." And she didn't, she wanted to belong to Peeta and Peeta alone.

They tip toed as quietly as possible, Katniss being more efficient, being smaller and more graceful than Peeta it was easy for her. While it seemed the harder Peeta tried to be quiet the louder he was. Sneaking her into his house at night after everyone had gone to bed was much easier now that both of his older brothers were away at college, but he really didn't want to take the chance of waking either of his parents tonight.

Once they finally reached his room after making it past the squeakiest staircase, he shut the door behind them, then he was on her. Peeta pressed against Katniss as he pushed her into the wall behind her, pinning her there with his lips. He braced himself against the wall with his hands on either side of her head.

She allowed her hands to wander beneath his t-shirt to trace his defined muscles, rubbing them across his broad chest. She loved kissing him, it took her away to a world where only she and Peeta existed. His hands were on her body quite quickly, groping at her breast through the thin lace material of her dress.

"You have no idea. The effect you have." As he leaned his lower body into her hips she begged to differ. She could feel his erection straining against his jeans, poking into her thigh. She was excited…and terrified. His hands lowered to the bottom of her dress and he began to shove it up and allowed his hands to find purchase on her hips. "I'm going to remove your panties now, okay?" She nodded her head as a delightful shiver ran down her spine. She loved it when he was firm with her, telling instead of asking. But she could say no if she wanted. She didn't.

They were at her feet in seconds and she stepped out of them, his leg making its way in between her legs and nudging them apart. His hand found its way down into her neatly trimmed curls and began tease her folds that were already damp. Her legs were beginning to feel weak, and she placed her hands on his shoulders for support, resting her forehead on his chest as he began to apply pressure to her clit. Peeta pressed soft kisses to her crown and he slipped a finger inside of her, her breathing began to pick up.

"Peeta." It was a whisper, but her left hand tightened on his shoulder while her right hand made its way down to cup his erection through his jeans. She palmed him through the fabric and he groaned, stilling his ministrations.

Seconds later Peeta had lifted her up by her hips, and she had wrapped her legs around his waist, she could feel him moving towards his bed.

"Katniss, I want you." His voice was husky and his hot breath tickled her ear. Then he dropped her unceremoniously on the bed, quickly fumbling with his belt and his pants dropped along with his boxers.

She had seen his pants and under things drop only seconds after he had placed her on the bed, and became more excited…and scared as she felt the bed dip under his weight. He was hovering over her and then dipped down to roughly kiss her, hungrily he licked at her lips to gain entrance. She complied, responding with just as much fervor. He began kiss and suck at her neck as he propped himself up with his left and grope at her breast with his right hand, palming her nipples through the lacey fabric. It was invigorating to say the least, she could feel the passion in his kisses, in his touch.

"I'll always take care of you, okay?" She nodded her head, she believed him. His hand left her chest and made its way in between her legs, shoving her dress up around her hips and dipped his fingers in her folds to elicit a few bucks from her.

"Oh." It was soft, she was always soft and quiet when he touched her. But just as quickly as his touches had begun they stopped and she could feel the tip of his erection right outside of her entrance. Her breathing picked up, he didn't notice though, attributed it to her arousal no doubt.

"I'll be gentle…I promise." He whispered into her ear and she nodded her head, bracing herself or was she supposed to relax? Either way it didn't matter because seconds later he was pushing himself into her, and she could hear his groan as he slowly buried his entire length inside of her, then he stilled. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She whispered. Peeta was definitely well endowed, his girth stretched her insides in a pleasurable kind of pain. Then she lifted her hips to meet his and he took this as a sign to continue. She placed her hands on his hips as he thrust in and out of her slowly at first, and it felt…nice. He picked up his pace and dipped his head to kiss her on the lips.

"Ohh...Peeta." Katniss lifted her hips in time to meet his thrusts and she could feel that familiar sensation begin to build, only this way it was so much better. She couldn't help it she started to moan louder as she moved her hands to his lower back and pressed down.

Peeta's hand trailed down between them and pushed her left leg to the side and angled it out in order to give himself more access and found himself thrusting harder and deeper. "Fuck, Katniss…" Her moans grew louder, and then he did something he probably shouldn't have. Peeta placed his hand over her mouth. "Shhh…" He just didn't want his parents to hear and wake up. He was so close, he knew he wouldn't last long it was his first time.

"God, you're so tight." He grunted as he thrust into her one last time and unfortunately came earlier than he had hoped.

She was gone though, the second he placed his hand over her mouth and told her to be quiet her hands dropped from his back and she drifted off somewhere else.

**They say the body shuts down when it has too much to bear; goes its own way quietly inside, waiting for a better time, leaving you numb and half alive.**

_She was scared, Cray was in her room sitting on her bed, his hand where it shouldn't be. _

_Then she heard the sound of his zipper and his pants hit the floor. It was quick, he climbed on top of her after flinging her blanket back and shoving her night gown up. It hurt so badly, she cried out with tears on her face, but he clamped his hand over her mouth. "Shhh, don't make a sound, wouldn't want your mother to hear." Tears silently rolled down her cheeks. "God, you're so fucking tight." She shut down after that, didn't return to her body until the following morning._

_Her sheets were covered in blood and she cried._

_She vaguely remembered his threat, that if she ever breathed a word he would do the same to Prim and then bury her in the woods._

"Katniss, I'm sorry, just you have no idea…what you do to me." She was no longer responding to him and he lifted his head to look her in the eyes, her eyes were wide, and he realized he still had his hand over her mouth and quickly removed it. "Katniss, I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to wake up my mom and dad." Nothing. She just continued to lay there still, her hands lying flat on the mattress, unresponsive to his touch and words. He removed himself from her and situated himself so he was beside her instead of on top of her.

When he looked closely he could see a few tears run down her face and when she finally turned her head to look him in the eyes he seen her visibly relax.

In that incident he just knew, he knew why the beatings had stopped for her. Cray had found something else that he wanted.

"I'm going to fucking kill him."

Not a damn person in Panem cried when Cray died, and not a soul attended his funeral.

It was like a breath of fresh air for Katniss Everdeen when she watched his body sway in the light breeze late at night, hanging from that tree branch in her backyard.

The police department told the media that he had strung himself up after succumbing to the guilt of physically and sexually abusing his step daughter for over eight years. There had been a suicide note nailed to the tree next where his body hung. Her mother had been carted away, to the mental hospital after the authorities found her huddled in her room, non-responsive. Really that way nothing new that is how she had been since the day her father died. But now, everyone else knew too and now they were losing their home.

Somehow they had managed to convince the authorities to allow her and Primrose to go and stay with Haymitch Abernathy, their alcoholic neighbor. Katniss was sixteen though, she was perfectly capable of making sure that Prim stayed out of trouble, they merely needed an adult to appease the courts.

No one mourned for old man Cray.

"_Are you, Are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Where they strung up a man they say murdered three._

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree."_

_Katniss sung out softly into the dead of night as she grasped the rope in her hand, she looked up into the large oak tree in her back yard. Looking around she knew no one could see her, Cray had put up a rather tall wooden privacy fence a few years back. She sighed as she gripped the bark around the trunk of the tree and began to scale it._

"_Are you, are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Where the dead man called out for his love to flee._

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree."_

_She was perched on the thickest limb that she first came across and began to tie knots into the rope, it burned in her hands as she dragged her fingers across it._

"_Are you, are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Where I told you to run, so we'd both be free._

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree."_

_Katniss then fashioned the rope to the limb, tugging on it to ensure it was tight and sturdy. Taking a deep breathe she looked out across the street staring at the Mellark household. She was so ashamed, she had ran out on him that night. Locked herself in her room until Cray came home, then she locked herself in the bathroom. She brought the noose she had tied to drape over her head and rest on her shoulders, she continued to sing the final verse as she tightened the rope against her neck._

"_Are you, are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me._

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree."_

_Her feet dangled over the edge and her heart raced as she braced herself to allow her body to drop, knowing the pull when the slack cut would break her neck and probably kill her instantly. Relief. _

"_Well if you're going to do it, then drop already so I can call the county morgue to come take you off my hands." She looked down and there he was, the disgusting pig her mother had allowed to ruin her life. Then she seen the one thing, or rather the one person, she wasn't expecting. Peeta._

_He was stalking his way through the back door of her house and into the grass of her backyard for the first time in eight years, and he did not look happy._

"_**I'm going to fucking kill him."**__ The words rang through her mind and her breath hitched. He had at one time told her he would do anything for her. __**Anything.**_

"_You fucking bastard!" The words had slipped off his tongue and Cray spun around to face the teenage boy, who, honestly was much larger in stature than Cray. Peeta swung out and punched him in the face, sending Cray to the ground below her in the tree._

"_So, she told you?" He was laughing maniacally as he looked up to catch her eyes. Katniss shook her head to gesture that no she hadn't said a damn word. No Peeta was a smart boy she hadn't had to say a word after he seen her reaction when they had sex for the first time. His actions closely mirroring the moves Cray had made the first night he came to her. "No."_

_He seemed to contemplate something and then his mouth twisted into a sadistic smile. "Oh, I see, you managed to get her to have sex with you. But it was me she was thinking of huh?" He sounded so smug and proud of himself. She thought she was going to be sick._

_That was the last straw for Peeta, he quickly put his wrestling skills to use and was on top of Cray, pinning him to the ground. Then he grabbed him by his shirt and lifted and then slammed him into the ground repeatedly until he fell unconscious. Peeta lifted his head and locked with Katniss, his eyes growing wide as he realized what she had been up, his eyes immediately filling with sorrow. Her heart sank and she lost her resolve to do the unthinkable._

"_Katniss, please come down." She loosened the noose and removed it from her neck and shimmied her way down to the ground where Peeta enveloped her in his warm embrace. "I promised you I would always take care of you. And I will."_

_In this moment, Katniss knew that every action, every move ever made in her life had been propelling her forward towards this very moment ever since her father had died. _

_Peeta and Katniss worked in silence as they managed to string up Cray's unconscious body, shoving him from the branch seconds after he regained consciousness. They heard his neck snap and Peeta wrote the note while Katniss retrieved a nail and hammer._

_The two of them made love underneath that tree, listening to the creaking of the rope, Cray's lifeless body swaying in the breeze before they called the authorities saying they found him hanging from the tree after returning home._

**A/N: I know kind of sadistic, but the idea came to me one night and it just wouldn't leave me alone. It took a week to gather up the courage to even begin writing it. Then the story played out in my mind, Katniss's life, and I knew the story had to be told. I hope at least one person will enjoy the story I have told.**


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